heyyaa whatup ? i'm feeling fine as always after a good good weekend. on friday i went to borgå by bus (awesome bus music xxxx !) and did all kinds of cool things there, like went to a party, had coffee with frida, and saw divergent with cecci.
i don't know, i've been feeling kinda off lately.
apparently i have a "edit the photos as much as possible" phase going on, but whatever, i like it.
i want to do something with my hair ..
change it.
change everything.
If only New York wasn't so far away I promise the city won't get in our way When you're scared and alone, Just know that I'm already home- a great big world "already home"
Tomorrow's monday.
I don't mind mondays.
Monday means routines, it means i have stuff to do
yup, it's throwback time. the video below is 100 % phone material - thank you samsung for these awesome pics and vids, hahahah, but hey no joking; the quality is crap. whatever, it sure cheers me up when i'm feelin' down.
the pics are in the correct order - from my first day to my last.
i do not miss it, not like that.
i loved the people, i loved the language, i loved the culture.
but i also love the choice i made; to come back home early.
There's times where like We find it hard To hold on to something That was never meant to be held onto
But you let it go
If it comes back it was meant to be
If not, just let it be
- Travie Mccoy
"the last few days have been horrible. it's been so hard that i've been thinking about giving up with this crap. my emotions are killing me, i hate feeling so god damn lost. the image of a perfect exchange year in england has shattered away. i just want to feel something. i'm numb.
i don't know, it's like, every day is a new chapter, a new story and i need to figure out the guideline over and over again. it's like i'm trying my hardest to be happy and positive, but the harder i tell myself to be something, the harder it is to react. i try to smile, but my body refuses to be the source for that small gesture - a tiny tiny lie. because i don't know, i don't know if i'm happy. i'm just getting used to living in a fog of confusion." something from my journal in december 2013, back when i was in england
I'm a phoenix in the water And so I'm wishing, wishing further,
A fish that's learned to fly For the excitement to arrive
And I've always been a daughter It's just I'd rather be causing the chaos
But feathers are meant for the sky Than laying at the sharp end of this knife
- gabrielle aplin, "home"
"dumt va? när jag borde räkna upp hans bästa sidor får jag inte tag på dem.. men varje gång jag ser honom i ögonen är det som om någon skulle tända eld på mitt ansikte, som om mitt hjärta plötsligt skulle bryta ut i lågor. ja, han gör mej hel då jag faller i bitar."
something from my journal in july 2013
i want to travel.
now.
forever.
some of these pics are from my trip to new york.
i loved that city so much. there's nothing like it, really.
that's why im so happy about going to america again this fall.
it will be amazing.
❀ todayi'm happy about
good music. music that makes you happy no matter how down you're feeling.
like On top of the world by imagine dragons, this weeks feel good -song
or Kerosene by The Exchange. It's been weeks since i saw them live, but i still can't stop listening to their album, they're amazing.
i wouldn't mind living in a paralell universe, where easter breaks weren't so goddamn boring and filled with.... wait what? that's right; filled with n o t h i n g. i hate holidays; there's nothing to do. you get to sleep late, fair enough; that's cool, but the stores are closed and the gym is overflowing. so i've been staying inside, ignoring the "lovely" sunshine and watching game of thrones, listening to lorde and imagine dragons, eating blueberries and drinking coca cola.
i don't mind really, but still, i need my routines and normal weekdays, thank you very much.
watched way too much game of thrones, got a job for the summer, listened to lorde while walking around lahti, painted my nails red & got good grades in school.
i can't wait 'til we move back to borgå. i miss my town, but above all, i miss my room. i miss having privacy (umh, i don't really have room of my own here in lahti which is killing me) and i miss being able to do stuff with my friends without a) travelling for over 2 hours to get to them and b) paying loads of money for it.
heyyaa, this weekend was just simply perfect. i sound so god damn positive (weird, huh? positive is a word i rarely use) but yeaa, i had a great time! on friday i took the bus to borgå, as usual, and drove around with my cutie, frida (i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared, since she just got her license... but she was actually spanking!) and bought stuff for her 18th birthday party.
the party itself was a success and i had a blast; i danced my ass off, laughed way too much, got to know new people and just simply had fun. you know that feeling, when you're like surrounded by people and suddenly the time seems to stand still, and you're just standing there and you realise how much these people mean to you; how genuine they are? that you're a part of them and they're a part of who you are? i love that feeling. i guess that's just pure egoistic happiness, but it feels brilliant anyway.
SHE CAN DRIVE BITCHES !!!
saturday & sunday were great too, and now i'm back in lahti, whoppiduu. i don't mind living here tbh, i'm kinda starting to fall for this city. i'm busy busy busy doin' nothing at all... jk, i have loads of school stuff to do and i'm keeping myself busy.
and now; game of thrones and some hot chocolate. talk about perfection, ey?
i've been floating. and when i float, when i float, i'm floating away, i'm free falling. there's nothing abow me, nothing below, there's only a shimmering vacancy of silence. i'm part of nothing when i'm a component of absence. i've been floating. like a bird without wings, i've been falling. i've been falling, but never fell. there is a beauty in walking away. when you hear the humming sound of suppressed laughter, you learn to let go, you let go, but your heart cries blood and unknown memories. that's when you start floating. in the silence of your own possessed past, you drift away. i've been floating.
it's past midnight and i should be sleeping, but i kinda wanted to write a bit. so here you go.
oldie 2012 - my stunning friend frida being all happy and summery
i've been watching the walking dead like 24/7 and dreaming about summer and thinking about how things used to be. i've been talking to more people in my new school and wearing skirts all day every day. i've been painting my nails and chatting on skype. i've been drinking cranberry juice and planning trips and studying for exams. i've been walking around lahti and finding new places and listening to amazing music. i've been happy and in love and overjoyed. i've been sad and confused and clueless. i've been alive.
.. i really don't feel like writing a lot, but let's just say i had a perfect weekend in england. saturday was amazing; shopping and coffee with jule&julia (we had a great time; love them so much!) and later there was a gig at a pub somewhere just outside the town i guess (a village ???) and we took the bus there (me, ida, charlotte and aurora), drank a bit, chilled with people from our college (or their college, since im not a student there anymore) and ended up climbing over a shit high fence to get to a park. we got home around three-four am and slept like babies zzzz, cool huh?
i love england, but i'm also happy to be home, there's a lot going on right now and i have loads of stuff to do. hopefully i'm going back soon though, i need a bit of uk every once in a while.
